Silent Heartbeats

Last night, I shared the same bed with you as I dozed off on top of your chest.

You made me feel safe and secure because no matter what we faced or how many times it felt like we were tearing apart, we found our ways back to one another.

It was the first time I just listened to your heartbeat for a while.

Do you remember the last time we were this close?

It was our first time, my first time together with you.

So intimate and so vulnerable.

I was reminded back to the Fourth of July when we intertwined our fingers in reclined car seats by the oceans shore, and watched the sun rise.

Before you and me, became we, us.

You've ignited something within me, I never knew existed. Being with you is a reggaeton love song.

I fell for those quick moments when I'd catch a glimpse of your long lashes that guide your gaze when you look at me; the chuckle of your laugh, or the way your smile lights up when you're happy. I fell for those late nights and early mornings, where there was no pressure for more, because us two just being together was enough.

Although, out melody ends in C major, bright and unified. I can't help from grinning, because I'm completely head over heels for you, imperfections, flaws and all. I want you whole, no matter what you look like or become.

To me, you'll always be the man that saw me whole and still wanted to be with me, all of me. Being with you is like ordering three tacos de al pastor and getting four con todo. I never asked for this to happen, it just happened so naturally and so organic, because we just clicked.

However, I know this isn't love because we're not meant to be. As great as this is, we're temporary, you're temporary and it's only a matter of time until we fall back into our old ways and drift apart; but for good. This isn't healthy, and I keep going back to you because I don't want to lose you. But, I should just let go of all of this now before it gets to a point where it's unbearable, like last fall. And, I've gone so far to get pulled back to those days.

You're not just part of my routine, you've become part of the air I breathe and that's when I know I need to take a step back and learn to breathe again, on my own without you. Silent heartbeats fill my chest, and it's your presence in me, it's knowing what could, and yet knowing I shouldn't.