Who knows how many more times I will repeat these words, but he's different, and he makes me want to be a better me. He makes me want to erase my troubled past and start over, be new and refreshed instead of the damaged and used foolish young girl I feel I am.
Do I even deserve him? Why does he like me? Is there a reason to care for him if he'll be leaving so soon.
Writing in warm scented coffee shops allow me to reflect on what I should do.
The conflicted emotions are so burdening and necessary all in one. He's a genuine good man who deserves a good girl and I don't know if I'm even good anymore.
It's wrong to say that my past defines me, but it's also wrong and utterly mesmerizing falling for someone.
"When will I see you again?"
I can still hear his words ring in my ears.
"Oh no, you need to go, we can talk another time" I say, when he interrupts my protest to end our time together because I fear to burden him or keep him from his obligations.
"It's okay, I want to hear more about you, please."
Do I deserve someone so good and genuine, yes. But, why now?
It's like when I finally meet someone, it's suddenly slipping away.
He leaves in one month if everything stays to plan. Fifteen days after my 21st birthday and his daily messages will disappear.
This isn't fair. He's young and has a whole future ahead of him and here I am fighting the urge to hold onto him.
We just met and it already feels like goodbye.
How can I deny the truth that I've learned so well. Men in the military roam, seek out what they don't have, they look for a good time; I would know. And, that is okay; but I don't know if it's right to get attached if I already know the reality of the situation.
Who am I to steal his youth? Who am I to take a chance and create roots with him, before our seeds have even been planted?
With each day that passes, I feel my feelings deepening and my heart aching even more.
Just please, promise me no promises.
No comments:
Post a Comment