Sola

     Cool 64 degree cofee shops filled with the scent of coffee beans and espresso have a way of speaking to my soul.

     It's been a while since a pen has marked my college ruled notebook, and words seem to fill my mind while my soul seeks a purpose.

     Sola.

     Yo estoy aqui and yo no se qu me quieres.

     Mi vida esta aqui pero todo that awaits me is beyond the barrier that divides my wants from my needs.

     I've learned to become dependent on the numbing sensation in my blood that ignites my insides and eases the reality surrounding me.

     I knowingly know I shouldn't rely on alcohol to calm my beating pulse and surroundings that feed into my energy, me.

     So, I turn back to the sound of the bass and hope it drowns this ache in my chest. School, work, family... him.

     Why can't the cold water brush against my toes and pull this gray cloud like how it does with these waves.

     To love without being loved back explains exactly what the man I wished cared for me  was capable of. And, if that's not that they're not capable, it's that they don't want too.

     He's sweet, respectful and a great guy that I fell for. Despite whatever draw backs that might've pushed me away, helps me to cling even closer.

     I close my eyes and imagine his palm placed on the small of my bak, and pulling me close. But, no. his hands are on another girl and here I am tearing apart inside with each glance I share.

     How does he not know I can't look into his eyes and fall even deeper when he smiles back at me. But, the truth is that he knows and it's not enough, I'm not enough, for him.

     I cling on to him because I want him any way I can have him, not realizing the shards of glass I scrape against my heart, beneath my chest. pressing against my lungs and leaving me breathless wanting more.