Ya Me Enteré

Being with you was different than anyone else that came before.

Your mannerisms and words had a way of seeking to me, touching me; like how your fingers pressed against my skin.

You made me feel alive under your touch, me made me feel wanted, sought, comfortable with me.

No matter how much I want you in my life, it doesn't doesn't take away the space your presence filled when you were there.

You're here but no longer with me, far ahead yet physically distanced from my warm body. 

Your breaths send warm sensations through me, like when I pulled your body closer to mine and you closed the gap of space inbetween our eager bodies.

I hate you yet I can't seem to still care about you at the same time.

I say to leave me alone and not touch me like you once did, but that's exactly what I want you to do, every second we're together and there's no going back.

Leave me and let me be, hurt me and make it easy for me to hate you so I can move on.

Yet there you go again, smiling at me, and reminding me why I fell for you. 

Please, just tell me why I wasn't good enough and why everyone else was for you except me.

Glass Coca Cola Bottles

Being with you, allows me to forget about time; because it seizes to exist when we're together. My craving for you has changed, no longer do I want to be with you intimately, I just want to be with you, your presence.

How can our silly conversations in parked cars with glass Coca Cola bottles be so meaningful? Our daily conversations have become late night escapes into the world, where we drive down the street to grab mangoneadas, tacos or ice cream.

I look forward to our days together and our parked car conversations filled with ridiculous Facebook videos and sing alongs to Reggaeton. So, I ask myself "what do I see in him?" Before, I ask him "what are we?"

Even though the questions still linger in my mind after our hushed phone call, was it just me feeling this the entire time? How did he not feel what I had, did our numbered moments mean anything to him? Were they real, was it natural, was it not meant to be?

Possibly, this entire time we were a story that wasn't meant to be. A wonderful, seamless, joyful adventure with no closed captions, or written ending.

Last Line

Wow.

I guess I really needed to feel all these emotions starting from the blissful high to the utter heartbreak.

Thank you for showing me your real self and I don't care. I do not care anymore.

Maybe it was that 1am phone call, or it took me to delete all of our soft tender hearted messages to one another, that when I read the words I used to once describe you; they no longer seemed to resonate anymore.

I asked you to not promise us anything, and that's exactly what you didn't do. You left without a word and made me wonder why; what went wrong, why you left those unanswered questions linger. But, you leaving was probably the best thing to happen.

I took a chance, I don't regret what we had, so here's me telling you goodbye.

Best of luck to you and hopefully you find someone who completes you, because that's something I wasn't able to give you. May you find your daughter and share a relationship with her despite what is going on because that's another form of you, united by blood. 

Do what makes you happy, and even though you may feel all alone; maybe it's not the people in your life leaving you, but you leaving them.

Think about that.

To the man that I once thought was too good for me, to realize that we were on different paths with unparalleled destinations. So during the time where our trails united, you were my company until you were there no more.

Road trips, life explorations and epiphanies help me to realize how much I don't need you. And, I couldn't be any grateful for that.

To the one who stole my heart, without ever stealing a kiss.

Me Rehuso

I can still feel the imprint of your presence that left scars on my heart, every time I breathe it's like the air gently grazes the pain you left behind.

Maybe I overreacted, maybe I fell too hard, maybe I cared too much; but you made me feel like you wanted more; for you to just leave and forget I existed.

Modern day love is not the kind of affection we shared, we were invested in one another's aspirations, goals and dreams. I never would've thought someone I had never even kissed could tear me up inside like how you do; yet here I am still wanting you even knowing I shouldn't.

Time has a way of working with the sequence of life.

Is it a sign? There must be a meaning behind this ache in my chest that seems to grow every time we're so close, yet so far away.

This is exactly what I feared, sharing my favorite place with someone I thought would be permanent, yet become temporary; so when I go back to the place that brings me joy, I'm left with dull gray colors that cloud the life that once existed.

It's not right. 

Although, its probably for the best. Possibly these past two weeks were to see if we could withhold time apart; before we took our relationship to the next step to just add the miles of distance between us two.

How is it when everything was going wrong, you were the one thing that felt right.

Baby I won't, because I can't, forget the presence you left me. I'll be okay, I'll survive, I can do this without you just like I have before I knew you existed.

Solo eramos nosotros amores de julio y no mas.

El Amante

Before you there never seemed to be a thought of me being with someone who shared the same culture, interests, and quirky backgrounds.

I happened to always find myself attracted to my opposite, but here you are and I can't be any happier. But, how can it be that despite how much we've grown, how much roaming I do, I always find myself back to you. 

I can catch myself growing comfortable with your presence and how much easier it is to breathe round you, and I can just be me, myself.

Yet, what's holding us back? Oh yes, you don't feel the same way. That's okay I guess.

I can feel the emotions building like they once did, but this time around they're tamer and more at ease, rest assured.

Despite the intimacy we've shared, we still seem to find a way to laugh our troubles away.

And I'm afraid that one day I'll look at you and you'll have this sparkle in your eyes that will melt away my doubts, and I willingly fall for you; because of the way you make me feel, and the because I just want to care for you.

That's what I'm scared of, being hurt like I once have been.

You're everything I wasn't looking for, but didn't know I needed and for you I'm thankful for that piece of more you gave me, and the more of us that lies in our future.

More

I left the feeling of your fingertips on my skin behind me, and decided to forget the way you tasted on my lips. The way your body intertwined with me, is a memory I'll just have to face.

Ignited beneath your touch, just like the fireworks in the month of July; it was simple and yet more.

I'm still astounded how we so seamlessly blended our relationship we carry within us now into friendship. Was it our comfort with one another, or the trust we had built.

I'm thankful for the kiss of fire as colors brightened the sky, and something within me.

Who would've thought when we had first met, we would have encountered these situations and navigated our way through, together.

No, not bittersweet, no hesitations or regrets. Just thankful for the opportunity to feel something I haven't felt in a while.

Thankful, for that small piece of more.