Finding Peace - Chapter 5

As the rain falls down on this February afternoon, I am reminded of how much you loved the rain. We would lay beside one another and listen to the way the drops of water fell from the sky and kissed the ground. I was so mesmerized by your smile, that I'd look over and see your half-crooked smile that melted my heart and made me fall even deeper in love with you.

Healing is a journey and not linear, there are waves of emotions that come and go of hurt, nostalgia, reflection, and gratitude.

I am so happy we drifted apart, I am grateful for this blessing that you are officially removed from my life. There is no way to explain the full breaths I can breathe now without needing you by my side.

You were someone I imagined a whole future with, married, a family, una vida juntos a tu lado.

Nothing compares to the pain of your betrayal, the sharp pains in my chest of heartache and anxiety as I lay by your side feeling disconnected from the person I believed to be my soulmate.

Cambiaste plate por oro, con mi corazon de oro I am finally giving myself all the love I gave you.

As I embark on the journey of healing and learning to love myself again, I vow to never allow anyone to hold the power and control of all my happiness in their hands. The expectations of one person being my sole happiness is unhealthy and extremely toxic, but we were tied by a trauma bond so intertwined that when broken it felt like the air escaped all of me.

I always knew inside that we would never work out, there were so many signs and red flags that I chose to ignore since I chose to be selfish and hold onto the idea of us.

Seven years later and we're now strangers, you try and replace our repuestos con un otra mujer. It's okay, but I know that will only be a bandaid to all the hurt and pain you choose to avoid.

I listened to your apologies that first week, considered still keeping you in my life, and believed you might be able to change. But as I reflect on those dark and painful days, I do not regret any second. It shows me how much I really cared for you, and how low I felt to consider you in my life for that desperate need of comfort. Even though I do not seek comfort in another person's arms, I will soon be able to heal and create my own peace.

Iced coffee and coffee shops have been my therapy, writing down all our moments and reflecting on the person you once were doesn't match the person you claim to be now.

We outgrew one another and that's okay, we didn't need to be together and can live without one another. I do not miss the person, I miss the comfort of the emotional connection we once had. The familiarity, but I choose to ignore your pleas and empty words when you apologize and say you miss me because you continue to still see someone else.

We both aren't perfect, but not a single day goes by where you don't cross my mind. And, I know I don't cross your mind anymore, you stopped caring during our relationship when your replies became shorter and you could go days without speaking to me. There is a reason why we don't read books backward; it's meant so we can move forward and leave the past in the past. You were meant to be a lesson and only that.