Pa Ti, Pa Mi

He's my best friend, we were just friends, until we weren't anymore.

I look at him and don't just see the person I've shared so many memories with and new beginnings with. When I glance at him, I see the man who knows me, my body and my mind too well.

I can't help but feel alive beneath his touch, it's like my senses ignite when his skin grazes mine.

I crave his presence, his touch, him.

Closing my eyes, I remember his smile and the chuckle of his laugh that resonated down to his chest. The brush of his beard against my fingertips, his breath staggered as we both stayed awake in the wee hours of the morning.

Waking up tangled in his sheets with him beside me, is something I would've never imagined in a million years.

If I had known how our relationship would've changed the first time we had met, or if I had known what I'd be getting into when he drove forty miles to see me for fifteen minutes the first time we really spent time together.

 If I had just known, I tell myself.

We fall into this pattern of being each other's worlds, then spending days and weeks apart, yet we always find our way back to one another.

He's the first man I've ever had a relationship with, and it's so strange to see how comfortable we've become with one another.

I know he cares about me, he genuinely cares and it's not about wanting more, or needing confirmation anymore, because I've noticed a different side of him now.

The tender man who is sweet and silly, a cornball full of warmth. Just being with him makes me happy, because he's my person.

Change.

I glance outside these clear windows and see a green scenery changing into a orange hue and red.

My cold lattees will soon become warm espressos as I cover myself with my oversized sweaters and seek warmth in my knitted clothes.

A year ago, it was a new month in October when things began to change.

I find myself reminescing on those times, while also creating my own memories.

I'm pulled back to those memories of how his skin tasted against my lips, how his body grew beneath my touch. I remember how they felt, each second I lost sleep to spend another minute with him.

And, I realize just like how one year ago I fell head over heels for him, it's like with time, I fall deeper and deeper.