Adventures Along San Mateo Road

How do words express the emotions that are pulsing through me.

The alcohol numbs my emotions, but paralyzes me in a state of surrealness.

These guys I have learn to understand, grow and appreciate are now leaving at our grasp.

It's almost as if it's an end.

An, ending of a new chapter. An ending of these past several months. The end to the life of adventures we had all experienced together.

We agreed, no tears. Only laughs and "see you agains" were exchanged.

But, as soon as I stopped by for the fourth time to saw goodbye, it was only then did I know for sure that it was the last time I would see my friends for several months.

They will be gone.

Distance wise of course.

However, how selfish does it sound to say that whenever I'm around the area, I can't just call them to ask them to get together or "come thru".

They won't be able to appear at a random kickback or go bar hopping like we usually do.

This time, they'll be gone for several months and I don't know how to feel.

Why did I let them get under my skin.

Why did I let another marine make me feel emotions.

No.

This time it's different.

These are my friends, my confidantes, mis amigos. Squad.

The other one broke my heart, tore me into two and I watched him fall hopelessly in love with someone else.

He, who will not be named. Sometimes makes me ask myself "what is the difference between her and I?" And, honestly I can't blame him.

We are all at fault somehow in some way, but I do not blame who I was from September through January on someone who couldn't love me, when I so willingly wanted them to. I say "I didn't exist between that time" because it's hard to accept the feeling of being unwanted, rejected and tie the loose ends into a messy goodbye from someone you trusted enough to share your pinky promised secrets with.

I needed to go through whichever experiences life had for me to make me stronger, and allow me to grow; despite the pain that meant I had to face.

Because whatever it is, it's all meant for a reason.

My adventures along San Mateo Road started in hopes of something new, and have ended along the lines of friendship.

I had my first kiss on San Mateo Road, had my heart broken on the cobbled ground, sat passenger to late night drives and endless rounds of laughter. 

I can finally say I understand the term of temporary friends and lifelong friends both at the same time. The only ones worth remembering are the ones you create stronger bonds with than just going out and partying,

I met some of the most loyal, dedicated and hilarious people I have encountered in my twenty years of life so far.

Although, squad will be gone for the next several months, nothing can take away from the adventures I have been able to experience with some of the greatest marines I know. Even if that meant I had to share several of my first experiences of adulthood with temporary fillers.