The Road Back to You

The road was wrapped in a soft grey fog, like the sky itself was holding its breath—suspended between past and possibility. He was driving. I sat beside him. And for the first time in over a year, since the day we ended things, we were here—together again.

There was no tension. No silence begging to be broken. Just a quiet hum between us, like peace had finally made its way back in.

Seeing him again after all this time felt like standing at the edge of a familiar ocean—waves of memory lapping at my chest, pulling me somewhere between comfort and ache.

I glanced over at him, studying the soft curve of his jaw, the way the light kissed his face, painting him like a moment I’d dreamed into life. Then he said, his voice low but steady—

“I have a gift for you… I’ve kept it in my wallet all this time.”

He passed me the leather wallet slowly, like it held a piece of his heart he hadn’t known how to offer before.

My fingers moved as if guided by something unspoken. And there it was—nestled in the small left pocket, just barely peeking out. The delicate outline of a ring. A heart-shaped diamond, glinting like a secret that had been waiting patiently to be seen.

I gasped.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, tears threading through my voice.
“Oh Danny… it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s my heart. Yours. Ours.”

The fog outside deepened as we glided through the mist. The world around us blurred, but inside that car, everything felt sharp, clear, and sacred.

“Why?” I asked.
“How long have you had this?”

His hands never wavered on the wheel. His eyes stayed forward. But his voice cracked open with vulnerability.

“I’ve always known you were the one,” he said softly.
“Letting you go was supposed to protect you… but it broke me. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I never stopped caring. I never stopped loving you.”

A tear slid down my cheek, warm against the cool silence.

“Danny… did you really love me?”

His answer was gentle, but full of weight.

“Yes. I do.”

“Since when?”

He took a breath, and then:

“Since the first time you looked at me like you truly saw me. When your laughter filled up the room like sunlight. When your presence made me feel like I was home. You made me want to protect you, to grow with you. To build a life worth staying for.”

I turned toward him, emotions swirling in my chest. I reached for his hand, turned it palm-up, and pressed a kiss to it. My way of telling him:

I never stopped either.

He wrapped his fingers around mine, rubbing slow, gentle circles with his thumb like he was trying to say all the things he never got to.

I leaned in, eyes glistening, heart wide open, and our lips met—slow and aching, a kiss full of all the words we never said.

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered.
“I’ve been kissing your lips in my dreams.”

And he smiled—that smile I knew like the rhythm of my own breath.

We still had things to say. Truths to share. Wounds to name. But for that moment, it didn’t matter. We had found our way back to each other, if only for a little while.

And then—

I woke up.

Tears on my pillow. Heart aching.

The weight of longing pressing heavy on my chest.

But still… I felt grateful.

Because even if it was just a dream—
Even if he’ll never come back—
Even if he never meant to stay…

For a few sacred seconds…
He chose me.

And I got to feel what it might’ve been like if love had been enough.

Closed Chapters

The idea of the man I wish you are, is greater than the reality that exists.

As your memory pierced through each breath I inhaled, I am okay with accepting you as my past.

I like the person I wish you were, the man I would want you to be, not the person before me now.

Thank you for letting me down, and thank you because without you I would've continued to walk around blind. Without the glasses to show me the clear vision that you are not who I believe you to be.

As utterly human and flawed as you are, I embrace your qualities; the lack of maturity, the feigned effort, inconsistent communication and empty promises you failed to keep.

I'm grateful we ended.

Despite the tears and heartache, I believe it has been for the best because you were never man enough to be responsible for the truth.

The truth that wasn't only asked for but expected, the truth you failed to share, the truth you failed to keep.

It's crazy how as time has passed since we ended, I leaned into the idea of who I romanticized you to be and now with each action I am reminded that you are utterly human and not a dream.

You chose to cause pain, you chose to lie, you chose to hurt those who only wanted to give you love.

Thank you for the pain, I am strong enough to sit with it and be self aware to not hurt another.

I was given the opportunity to feel again, and like an answered prayer - it's time to accept your chapter in my life has closed. May it never reopen, and may it stay sealed.

Utterly Human

It's a new year, and I see you revisiting old memories with past characters from previous chapters.

I will hold a soft spot for the ones I loved who never loved me back. Maybe, the joy I brought to their lives answered the silent prayers they had asked for. Unknowingly, I was the answer, and they were my lessons.

Filled with adventure and fuzzy words, I close my eyes and can almost hear the faint laughter of your laugh, feel the warmth of your arms holding me, and feel the safety I felt in your presence. I also recall vividly one year ago the anxiety and how alone I felt in a relationship with a man who was once my world - pulling away. As painful as the experience of heartbreak has been, I survived.

I survived the most challenging year of my life, filled with loss, moving, changing careers, ending an unloving relationship, loneliness, and a year of emotional and physical pain.

I survived.

Is this what forgiveness looks like? Finding peace with the past, feeling a sense of nostalgia and affection for past characters, and being okay with leaving their memories in the past?

This was the first holiday season without you, even though last year we were arguing, fighting to make a relationship live that had already died. We wanted two different things, and sometimes love isn't enough. I see that even more now, sometimes love really isn't enough to change the reality of life.

While I was focusing on healing, unknowingly someone walked into my life and it felt like the sun on a warm beach day. Despite the gloomy weather outside and foggy clouds from the winter air, his soft-spoken words and kindness gave me warmth and reminded me that I was worthy of being loved.

When he was ready, I wasn't. Returning to one another like moths to a flame, we always found a way back to each other. One week, one month, two months later, he was my safe haven, the person who made me feel like I was worth loving, worth living, worth waiting patiently until I was ready to trust again.

Life has a funny way of showing us that no matter how great something may feel, life is just temporary and nothing is ever permanent.

He gave me a reason to write again, to sing again, to smile again, to laugh, to feel alive. Thank you for the gift of reigniting my joy, and even though our chapter was short, he will always hold a soft spot in my heart as the man who may have made mistakes and felt insecure of who he was - but, was utterly human to me.

A human that I would choose again in another life, just not this one.

Falling - Chapter 7

All the unspoken words that I didn't get to say, I don't beat myself up about them anymore. Because I shared how I felt, I expressed my care for you through lingering side glances and gentle kisses on your lips. Every morning you were my first thought as I reminisced over my dreams, and when you left, you were my recurring sunrise train of emotions that left tears in my heart.

Gentle and sweet, patient and kind, unknowingly and blindsided, it felt like the blow of a thousand winds striking my chest. Was this your plan all along? Was I just a pawn in your game of life?

I'm left confused by your unaligned words and actions, contradictory to your expressed emotions compared to what you actually did. Someone I loved innocently, and trusted blindly because I thought I was safe, I didn't have to worry about experiencing betrayal again like before. 

Maybe I'll get to fall in love this time? Someone will actually love me, for me?

It was never about me, it was only about what my body had to offer and the chase until I let those lingering kisses deepen and lead to more.

I close my eyes and remember those soft caresses as I held your face between my palms and got lost in those hazel eyes and sweet smile. I close my eyes and am haunted by the crinkle in your eyes when the corners of your lips turn into a smile, the sound of your laugh, and the touch of your fingertips on mine.

I'm haunted by your memory, what once was a dream is now a recurring nightmare of heartbreak.

Falling - Chapter 6

Seeing your name light up on my phone screen had my heart racing and a smile gleaming across my face.

I had missed you, I still do.

However, the happiness in my chest started to fade as I remembered the last time my tear stained cheeks cried into your chest. So close, yet emotionally disconnected.

A wave of uneasiness washes over as I remember the disconnect of you pulling away before ending our relationship stating you needed to go through this alone. How could you want to be alone when we had just grazed our fingertips across each other's bare skin, enveloped in heated kisses and each other's embrace. 

This past month, I've had to learn how to live without you as I was the only one reaching out to check on you, showing through actions that I cared. The anxiety I felt waiting for your response, as hours and days lingered by. You so easily lived without me, while I closed my eyes with each blink and remembered your soft cranberry kisses. Sweet and short lived. 

You walked away.

You chose to no longer want me.

So, why now that I am finally putting myself together and feeling happy again that you feel entitled to walk right back into the place you broke and left willingly.

I still want you, I still miss you and I am haunted of our memories every day. The memories you chose to end and walk away from. How is this any different than the past, than before?

Inconsistent communication, confused emotions, not knowing exactly where you stand are all conflicting dilemmas in your paradox of attempts to reenter what you left.

I miss you, I really do. The sound of your laugh, the way your eyes crinkle as the corner of your lips fold into a smile. How your eyebrows are furrowed together when concentrated on a task at hand, the feeling of my palm in your hand, our fingers intertwined, your lips on my skin, and how my heart beat accelerated as I got lost in your eyes. Those soft hazel eyes that pierced right through me.

I blink the tears away and look at your message and close my phone. It's not worth the heartbreak again, you haven't shown me anything to believe this time is different, or that you are not able to cause the same amount of pain again.

Falling, it sounds silly but I fell for the sound of your voice and soft hums you made while lost in thought. So, I go back to my memories because at least there, maybe what we had was real.

Amor Propio

As I sit here on the same plush cushioned chair and gaze out clear glass-pained windows, I feel peace.

I am proud of myself. I'm proud of the growth I have developed within myself this year.

The two characters I have thought of for years made their way back into my mind recently. This time their story was new and unique as two mature adults recognizing their love was genuine, but they were not destined to ever be together.

Is there a sense of similarity to my own story? Except my own love is myself, mi amor propio, and what I feel for myself within.

How do I honor these two characters? Similar to being human, they are flawed, flawed with mistakes, misspoken words, and empty promises.

I have been pouring into myself lately, filling my own glass of happiness and reminding myself that I am valuable. My value is not determined by any man, reassurance is not needed by another person, and the only validation needed is from myself within.

It's the middle of October and I am blessed this year. 

I am not hiding behind tear-stained cheeks and the emotion of emptiness in my chest. Previous main characters in my story of life a year ago no longer exist in this sequel, as they are distant reminders of what once was.

The woman I am now is deserving of kindness, respect, humility, and genuine intentions - something I was stripped of with past characters in my life then. Taken advantage of and discarded like I didn't matter after giving all of myself to people who abused my value for their benefit.

Now, I stand tall reclaiming my self-love, and walk with confidence as I am not frightened of ghosts from my past. Because when you move with genuine intentions, the truth will always prevail and there is no need to hide from the truth - if anything, it'll shine light on other people's skeletons and showcase clarity on reality.

Falling - Chapter 5

The space filled in my chest is a reminder of the emotions that existed, that I could feel again. Are two people whose paths cross and are illuminated, could they be pulled together by invisible strings? Coming together occasionally to remember they are meant to be in each other's lives?

Daniel was the wholesome sweet kindhearted man with genuine intentions, lips soft like feather kisses and warmth similar to the sun on a sunny beach day. The sharp inhale of knives slicing their way across my heart when our romance ended was bearable, not intolerable, but discomforting and a harsh reality similar to a cold plunge in a pool during winter.

I believed his words, I believed the idea of waiting for him and the idea he meant every word he spoke. I wanted to hold onto his words, I clung to the last remaining emotions I had left by rereading messages and smiling at pictures of us both.

I would be reminded of the harsh reality that not everyone's words match their actions, despite how much confianza we want to have in them. Or, in him.